Manners, Morals, Customs, and Public Perception 

Judge Paul Heath Till

Sidney, Texas

July 2001

To many in the present ‘culture,’ manners are an anachronism of no value.  Manners are, in fact, the rules worked out over time for people to interrelate with reduced confrontational and aggressive conduct.  It is the ‘grease’ that allows each to live in close association with others with less friction.  The type and kind of manners of any people are the result of trial and error worked out to accomplish this objective if the objective is, in fact, to promote the above.  In my opinion, the present thrust of change in the South does not do so.  Rude, thoughtless and selfishness conduct with slovenly and provocative dress and the use of foul language promotes an increase in confrontational and aggressive conduct.  Whether each finds the manners and customs of the South worth the effort to teach and follow is the question presented here.

However, an identifiable culture is more than manners and customs.  They are subtle and small differences that are low profile that help to identify a culture.  Manners and morals and customs make up the public perception of any culture.  When we speak of the South we are speaking of the public perception that was.  Fortunately, some areas still have the remnants of Southern culture.  This is despite the driving force of the egalitarian secular humanistic policy of the federal government and the media which is, at present, the means used to destroy the South as well as all things Southern.

The yankeefying of the South by the aggressive and intrusive north is no longer possible to ignore.  To the scalawag, this is great and as it should be.  To this Southerner, it is not.  The South, for the most part, has never accepted the depth, breadth, and ferocity of bigotry, hatred, and cultural genocide toward all things Southern by the yankee north.  The existence of anything Southern, in the view of the north, is an affront that must be destroyed root and branch, for there must be no reminder of the atrocities committed by the north in the war of northern aggression.  The north must be proved right in the wanton destruction of the South with their destruction, theft of property, and the killing of men, women and children who were not part of the conflict.

This is not a new revelation.  This is new only to those who will not read or learn from history.  The destruction of the South did not stop in 1865 but just changed methods of reconstruction of the South in the image of the north.  While there have been changes in methods and justification there has been no change in the ultimate goal.  The destruction of the South is not going to stop unless we stop it.  We are in a war of words in which logic or facts play little or no part.  For the South to survive as such it must also have and keep a Southern identity.  If the yankee method and manner of doing things is accepted and adapted as our own then all will be for naught.  Each of us will be surrounded by a sea of people who will not see any difference or reason to resist what we have become.

The first thing that we need to do in evaluating any subject or thing is to get as clear as possible the fundamental principles and precepts that control the action we are taking and the action we need to take, if necessary, to change.  It is impossible to get what you want until you know what you want.

Some definitions that may help are:

Manner – The way in which something is done or takes place; method of action; mode of procedure.

Manners – (as a form of the word manner)- External behavior in social intercourse, estimated as good or bad according to its degree of politeness or of conformity to the accepted standard of propriety.

Custom – An habitual or usual practice; common way of acting; usage, fashion, habit (either of an individual or of a community).

Moral – Of or pertaining to character or disposition, considered as good or bad, virtuous or vicious; of or pertaining to the distinction between right and wrong, or good and evil, in relation to the actions, volitions, or character of responsible beings; ethical.

All definitions are from The Oxford English Dictionary Second Ed.

To a Southerner this will tell us the definition but not the meaning of manners morals and customs.  Manners, as I understand it, is the conduct and appearance of each individual interrelating with others in public and private.  The conduct and appearance of an individual shows the true opinion of the value and worth of himself and of the people with whom he deals.  It is the civility and thoughtfulness by each of us toward others.  While there was rude and discourteous conduct in the South of my youth, all such acts were looked down on with outwardly shown disapproval.  Within the bounds of human endurance, rudeness was returned with civility.  The conduct of which I speak is not the product of ‘just growing up’ but must be taught by instruction and example of the one who does the instructing.  Manners, as given here, are the remembrances of a person who was blessed in living when such conduct was the norm, not the exception.

So what is the identifiable conduct and characteristics of the unique Southern Culture?  It is here that things go to a blank stare and stammer.  While we may all want to have a definable Southern culture, few seem to know just what it is.  Now, before any of you fine Southern Ladies and Gentlemen get on your high horse (a phrase commonly used in the part of the South where I received my upbringing), just hear me out.  I do not presume to tell you what is or is not Southern Culture.  What I will relate is what was taught me as the conduct to be followed when relating with others.  If there is to be any preservation of culture then we have to start somewhere.  I hope that this article will provoke thoughtful and courteous responses to add or change what is said here to help us all see just what we are asking of ourselves and of, at least I hope, our children.

Let me present my bona fides.  I am a Southerner by heritage and training (South Alabama) and a Texan by temperament, disposition and by choice of location.  My training was by my father and mother in a general way; in a very specific way, at my grandfather’s knee in South Alabama (by that I mean across his knee if I did not mind my manners), and to some extent the general population of Butler County, Alabama and Harris County, Texas.  I did not, and, as far as I could tell, neither did anyone else think of our manners and customs as Southern.  It was the normal way that civilized people behaved.

It is not my purpose in bringing these rememberings to reestablish the culture of my youth, which cannot and should not be attempted, but rather, to show some of the manners and customs that were, and see if any have value and worth for today to make a new and present distinct Southern culture.  The past is gone and cannot be brought back to life but that does not mean that we cannot remember and see if there was anything of value that we should bring into today to validate the lessons learned from the past.

If you decide to adopt or find any value in what comes next, be prepared for ridicule, derision, and open hostility.  The following is definitely not politically correct.  It runs directly opposite to the egalitarian mantra of the north and the leveling that must be done so the northern yankee and scalawag will not feel inferior to the Southerner.

I was brought up to follow these basic rules in dealing with others in public and private:

Be mindful of my dress in public.  How I dress is a direct evaluation of me by me and how I carry my family name for all others to see.  Never bring discredit or dishonor to the family name.  Slovenly dress discredits the family name.

Show courtesy and respect to all others at all times.  Do not think of yourself but keep your mind on the people you meet and deal with.

Be thoughtful and careful in my speech in the presence of women and children.  There is no reason to make others uncomfortable or embarrassed by using profane, obscene, or vulgar speech.  This is thoughtless and does not do credit to any man.  And spare me the remark that they are not hearing anything that they have not heard before.  This I know very well in today’s degenerate culture.  The point is that they have not heard profane, obscene, or vulgar speech from me.  That is to make it clear that I disapprove and do not engage in such conduct in the presence of women and children.

All Southern women are ladies and are to be shown deference and respect.  If no male member of her family was present than it was your responsibility as a gentleman to see that this rule was followed.

It was the absolute moral responsibility of every man to protect and defend all ladies and children.  This was one of the basic reasons that the Southern gentleman was to be armed.  I have seen on more than one occasion where some Quixote young gentleman has sprung to the aid of a lady when the lady did not need the level or intensity of his protection and yet she was careful not to embarrass the young man so as to disabuse him of such conduct later when better judgment was attained.

Be very slow and careful in making a promise and be quick and diligent in keeping your word and fulfilling all promises made.  ‘A promise made is a debt to be paid’ was not a trite cliché.  An outside intervening force unforeseeable and beyond control, was the only way anyone could discharge his obligation and duty to a promise made without fulfilling it.  Many pined for the time when a man’s word was his bond.  This rule personified that time.  

Other basic instructions and examples that the above rules are based on are:

‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ were the words heard in profusion, in public and in private.  The use of ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ requires that you think of the other person.  If you use ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to the point where it becomes a habit each will soon come to discover that they are, in fact, thinking of others.  It is well shown that conduct can and will change attitudes.  Just look at the degrading of the present culture by the change of conduct that many find to be offensive for proof of that point.

Adults were not called by their first name in public except in special and unusual conditions and then only by another adult that had a long and close relationship, never by a child or young adult.  To do so would have been disrespectful and unseemly to the status of the person addressed.  To a child or to an adult everyone older was Mister or Miz or whatever title they had (Doctor, Judge, Sheriff or the like) and family name, or the preferred Miz for ladies, which covered you if you did not know whether or not the lady was married. The use of the first name is ayankeefying of the South from the yankee egalitarian disregard of status and family.  Did I say status?  Well, status and the recognition of status was a basic and important part of Southern manners and custom.  The present existing yankee culture is egalitarian from top to bottom.  What is pushed and held up as the norm is egalitarianism.  The main means of destruction of the Southern Culture is by replacing or substituting egalitarianism for a hierarchical form of culture.  This was done by stealth and deception.  It has been done very well.

When I grew up the family was of prime importance.  It identified you with your family, both present and past.  It gave more than just a name, it gave you connection with all of your kin.  In private social gatherings, adults, if the knew each other well and had some prior relationship (went to school together, belonged to the same lodge, the same church, the same family, etc.) would call each other by their first or, as it was the called, their given name.  But even in this setting the obviously older person was still addressed as Mr or Mrs and their last name.  Within the family they were called by the appropriate family title (uncle, aunt, etc.) and then their given name.  I have never called my Grandfather, Grandmother, Mother, or Father by their first name.  I hear it done routinely now in Harris County (Houston) Texas.  I do not hear it where I live now (Comanche County, Texas).  When I meet someone new now only the first name is given.  I have to ask to find out the family name.

The influence of the media to make it ‘cool’ to use the first name only is very strong.  It teaches a flippant disrespect to the young of their elders and a callous disregard of status and the family name as trivial and unimportant.  This type of conduct is presented as modern and new.  It is neither.  It is not what a child is told but what a child sees that forms the basis for character and conduct.  It has been estimated that 80% of what we perceive if the world is through our eyes.  The remaining 20% is split up among the other senses.

‘Yes Sir,’ ‘No Sir,’ ‘Yes Ma’am,’ and ‘No Ma’am’ were words sprinkled throughout my conversation as appropriate for the existing circumstance.  There is a direct conflict between the yankee (with his continuing indigestion from an over-abundant serving of self-righteous indignation) who uses the term ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am” as a sign of servitude or disparagement and Southerners who use it as a sign or term of respect and deference.  Being so full of himself, it never occurs to the yankee that the same term could have a different social meaning.  If he uses it to mean ‘lesser folk’ then he assumes everyone else must be doing the same.  Whether or not the use of ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am’ as a term of deference and respect will survive depends on each of you, and whether you find any value in this Southern custom or practice.  And no, I am not saying that the use of ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am’ and ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are the only differences between the yankee and the Southerner, but I will say that the attitude and behavior reflected by the use of ‘Sir’ and ‘Ma’am’ and ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ demonstrates two of the basic differences between a hierarchy and an egalitarian culture.  And that is the difference between the Southerner and the yankee.

I have not attempted to go into the conduct of a gentleman toward a lady in such things as standing the first time a lady enters a room, or when an older person enters a room.  The practice of letting a lady go first and holding the door are just visible effects of following the above rules of conduct.  There are many such accepted rules that were a part of normal conduct by gentlemen in the presence of a lady or elders that I hope some of you will submit for future edification of us all.  I will not attempt to list them all here at this time.

There is a custom in the South of having breakfast, dinner and supper.  These are the three meals in the South.  You can have ‘lunch’ all you want, which is to me a misspelling of the word brunch.  If you get an invitation for dinner from me, and you show up at 5:30 or 6:00 pm, you missed it.  Dinner is close to 12 noon and supper is at 6:00 pm, Texas time.

The following are the conditionings of the subjects of this empire into subservience.  They are not any part of my Southern customs.  They are an intrusion into our personal lives and demean our States.

Yankee time or real time?  Daylight Savings Time is a fraud.  If there is anyone who believes that any government can make daylight one second, much less one hour longer, then they will have no problem in accepting the total and complete power of the federal government.  The more ridiculous and inane the law the better the point is made.  Government calls the tune and we dance to it.  Well, some of us don’t.

Allowing your State to be reduced to a two letter yankee abbreviation instead of spelling out the name of your State and showing the importance of the State where you live is demeaning and a marginalization of the individual States by the central government.  This is nothing more than a covert action to reduce the States to administrative districts of the central government all in the name of efficiency.  There are some ‘efficiencies’ that reveal the clear intent of the entity proposing it.

This is not a philosophical discourse on the theory of the origin of manners and culture of the South.  This is a statement of what was taught to me as a child and young adult.  It is not definitive or exclusionary of what others were taught or remember from the past.  No one culture or mode of manners could be homogeneous across the breadth and dept of any area as large and diverse as the South was and is.  I certainly do not suggest such here.  However, I feel we need a practical statement of some of the day-to-day actions that gave the South, at least in part, its distinct and separate culture.  The manners and customs of all people are tenuous and fragile, subject to destruction by neglect when they no longer reflect the values and worth of accepted conduct both public and private.  The destruction of Southern culture is being accomplished by the concerted action of an outside force – the force of law and yankee media controlled public opinion.  To survive, manners, morals and customs must have value and worth to the average person who lives here and of such value that they are practiced by them as normal conduct and taught to their children.  The establishment of any mode of conduct by any people is the reflection of what they hold important and the values and worth of the spiritual basis of their lives.  This is what I was taught.

When any new culture is accepted and adapted, the preceding culture is gone.  We are presently in such a transition.  For there to be any realistic chance to stop the yankeefying of the South there must be a group of dedicated people who have the courage to practice, teach and preach Southerness of manners, morals and public perception at all times and in all places.  Where ever they may be.  We will have to show and convince the people around us that the Southern way is better for every one.  Not an easy task.  But most assuredly a worthwhile one.

Robert Roark wrote a book about the Mau Mau uprising in Kenya.  The title of the book is Something of Value.  He saw the Mau Mau uprising was caused by the destruction of the manners, customs and morals of the African native by the English settlers.  A people deprived of their basis of being will revert to the savage from which we all came.  His book had the clear warning that when any group destroys the manners, customs and morals of a people then they must replace that destruction with ‘something of value.’  I do not find that the Fabian Socialism, though it is masked and called in this country: egalitarian secular humanism, to be ‘something of value.’  It is the present basis for the destruction of Southern manners, customs, and morals.  It is the attempt by the Godless socialist to tear down mankind and remake man into the image of the socialists.  The first and most important step is the destruction of our Southern manners, morals, and customs.  When this is finished there will be nothing to stand between you and the devil.  The unintended consequences are starting to unfold.  No one knows what the final consequences will be or where or how this will all end.  We must fight for our manners, our morals, our customs, of our culture if we find therein ‘something of value.’

Bona na croin